March 26th

So the small black spot is our baby at 5 weeks 5 days (March 16th). It was very reassuring to see our baby. We were even able to see the beginnings of a heartbeat. It was very helpful for me to see that the baby was tucked way in the back of the uterus. Therefore the baby could not escape. Silly the things a mother thinks about. For Jason seeing the ultrasound allowed him to experience a new reality. He was very excited! After this appointment I was officially able to go off of all my invitro medications. This was a huge step for me, as I was very tired of taking medications for so long.

Since the ultrasound I have experienced many changes. I definitely feel pregnant. I yawn all day long and welcome any naps I can get. I have mild to moderate nausea throughout the day but no vomiting so far. I am glad, because I am able to continue traveling for work. I have troubles deciding what foods sounds good to me. I do know that things like red meat and fish sound gross just thinking about it. I enjoy eating bland cereals, milkshakes, pasta, and fruit. I haven't gained any weight, but I am sure that will change soon. We had a fabulous trip to Florida. I was able to get lots of rest, relaxation and time in the sun. I was even able to enjoy crab legs before seafood became a food I now detest. It was fun talking to my mom and Nina about what they remember from their pregnancies and deliveries.

On Monday we go back to our reproductive endocrinologist for an 8 week ultrasound. I think we will also be able to hear the heartbeat.

My Visit to Jason & Krystal's

For the past couple weeks I had made plans with Jason and Krystal to come stay a nice long weekend from Thursday to Sunday with them, well aware this was around the same time that they would find out if they were expecting. Of course I was excited! The possibility that I would walk into their home and Jason says to me, "Lindsay, you're going to be an aunt," was a constant thought that ran through my head this past week. Well Thursday came as fast as I could hope and off I was from my apartment in Alexandria, to Jason and Krystal's house with butterflies in my stomach. As I was filling my car up with gas, however, I got a phone call from my mom. She asked if I was on my way to Jason's yet and I told her that I was. Then she preceded to tell me the bad news..."they aren't pregnant. Dad called me this morning and told me some little details but not much. I just wanted to let you know before you went there." I was completely shocked. I asked my mom a ton of questions. She couldn't answer, no one could. I cried for them on my drive down. I just didn't understand, but I wasn't going to make it hard for Jason and Krystal so I put on a strong face and continued on my way until I arrived.

Thursday night came and went, and the three of us had a nice, relaxing evening at home. And so it was Friday morning. I woke up to see Krystal only for a little while before she went to her business luncheon. It didn't even occur to me that she had already been to the doctor. I would soon find out the results of the second lab test, just as Jason did. I was doing homework on the table as Krystal called up to Jason to help her with some boxes. He went. Completely oblivious to what could possibly be going on, Jason repeated to me the same request after a little time had past. So down the stairs I went and out the garage door to see a tiny bear with a bib around his neck that read 'I Love Daddy,' and balloons wrapped around it's collar. I was confused and shocked as I teared up. This was the miracle Jason was talking about earlier. It truly was. I was so proud of Jason and Krystal for all their strength and courage. God definitely saw their struggle and decided it was over. Off to Iowa we were!

And now the fun begins....Never being a parent myself, I had no idea how much fun it was going to be to tell the parents that they were going to be grandparents!! What an adrenaline rush. The entire drive down to Roger and Soni's was filled with planning and plotting on how to surprise them. Fortunately for us Roger and Soni always find their way to a bar and restaurant every Friday night for a slice of pizza. This would be the location. The plan: Have the waitress bring Roger and Soni each a bear with a bib that said, 'I Love Grandpa, and I Love Grandma.' What a shock that would be. The action: First, we called Roger and Soni's house, twice from my cell, to see if they were out. Second, we called the restaurant to get them in on the idea. Then, we drove through the parking lot to make sure their car was definitely there. So far so good. We entered the bar side first and meet up with the manager, who we previously talked to. We also talked to the waitress and told her what to do. Everything was a go until the waitress came back and shared with us that Soni was up talking to someone she knew. And then the wait....The three of us stood at the bar and waited for the waitress to come back and tell us that Soni sat down. We waited some more...It seemed like it was hours later (it was probably only about 15 minutes) when the waitress finally came back and said ok. We did have to hurry this by having the manager tell Soni her food was ready (hehe). And the rest is history....caught on tape...(the video starts out sideways)

And now for the other parents....My mom and dad had been planning on coming Saturday night and staying at Jason and Krystal's also. Since we stayed the night in Forest City we needed to make an excuse to make sure that they didn't arrive before we had a chance to get back and get situated. So Friday night on the way back to Roger and Soni's house I called my mom to ask when her and dad were planning on heading out on Saturday. She said she was thinking around noon or so but wasn't certain and that they could leave later if need be. Well watching the weather lately there had been some talk about snow in the Twin City area, we ran with that idea! So I told my mom that we had heard the snow was gonna hit the Ramsey area around 2 p.m. so they should definitely plan on leaving at noon in order to get there around 1:30. She agreed. The timing was set. Saturday morning we got up and hit the road around 10:30 and made it back by 12:40 after a quick trip to target to get some more bibs and bears! On this road trip was when we brainstormed ideas as well. Jason came up with a "fool proof" plan, but Krystal and I decided that it was actually just boring.

The plan decided on: Decorate the garage with streamers and signs so that when they open it we can be standing inside. As we got closer Jason called mom to see where they were at so we could approximate how much time we would have to decorate the garage. He ended the call by telling them to come in through the garage door. It turned out we didn't have a huge amount of time, or so we thought! The action: First, we moved the cars so everything was wide and open to see. Second, blue and pink streamers were torn and taped to anywhere we thought necessary. Then, I wrote out two big signs, 'LAB WAS WRONG and WE -R- PREGNANT!' Next Jason set up the two puppies (Target didn't have anymore bears) in their 'Grandma and Grandpa' bibs on the trunk of the car. Finally, with time drawing close we began the wait. And wait. And wait. (I bet if they would have known what we were planning to tell them both sets of parents probably wouldn't have made us wait!) That was tough! About 20 minutes longer than they said they were going to be and different ideas from all of us of what happened, "they stopped to eat, the car broke down, they weren't even in Buffalo..." Jason looking through the peep hole and me at the top of the steps through the window saw them pull in. We ran into the garage and the camera began rolling...

Jason and Krystal,

Thanks for letting me be apart of a very special weekend. I love you two! Congratulations!

Love, Lindsay

Friday March 6th

I wanted to turn off my alarm and skip my early morning pregnancy test, but eventually I made myself get up and throw on some clothes. The new nurse drew my blood, and it really hurt this time. I was so sick of being poked! On the way out Patty said in a sympathetic voice, "I will call you again with the results. Well, we'll see." I couldn't get out of there fast enough as I could feel the overwhelming sadness for me in the office. As quick as I could I got ready for work and headed to my business lunch in Edina. As I was meeting my sales rep in the parking lot and picking up bags of Chili's catering my phone rang. It was the doctors office. We were late for our lunch, but I figured the call would only take a second to hear the results.

(Meanwhile, Jason called my mom. He shared the bad news and said, "It would take a miracle to be positive today.")

Nurse Patty asked me where I was as though she was preparing me for more bad news. I told her I was in a parking lot, but it didn't matter. She then began to tell me, "Well there was something wrong with the lab machine on Wednesday. Your results were not accurate. In fact, your beta was 134 on Wednesday and it is 284 today. You are pregnant. These are nice healthy numbers for a singleton. I am sorry about the lab. The machine..." I interrupted her and said, "I don't care! All I care about is the real results. Oh my! I believe in miracles!" I began to cry out in total joy. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Patty went on to explain future appointments and what medications I should keep taking. I was so overwhelmed. Finally she said, "Are you listening to me?" I replied in tears, "NO!". She told me to call her later if I had any questions. I proceeded to sit through my 2 hour business lunch completely distracted. I was dreaming about how I would tell Jason the news. Afterwards I raced through traffic to the party store and target. I picked up a teddy bear and placed a bib around his neck that said, "I Love Daddy." I got pink and blue balloons and a mylar balloon of a baby that I attached to the bear. I could not get home fast enough. I had never felt adrenaline like that!

I pulled in the garage and placed the bear and balloons on the hood of my car. I hollered into the house, "Jason, will you come help me bring in some boxes?" He came down the stairs and started telling me a story. I interrupted him and told him we could talk after we brought the boxes inside. He opened the door and immediately saw my surprise. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. Tears welled up in his eyes and he said, "Are you kidding me." I told him that the lab was wrong and that we are pregant. The rest is blurry. Hugs, kissed, tears, rejoicing!

We then suprised Jason's sister Lindsay, who was visiting us, by asking her to also come help with the boxes. She too was shocked and looked very confused. Immediately we packed up and headed to Iowa to tell my parents. Lindsay will be blogging later to share her thoughts and the videos of when we suprised our parents.

Wednesday March 4th

On Wednesday morning I eagerly went to the doctor to do a blood pregnancy test. I was a little doubtful as I wasn't feeling any symptoms of being pregnant, and the hormone injection symptoms that mock pregnancy were wearing off. I was trying my best to be hopeful. We were originally told that we would not see the results of this first pregnancy test, but my nurse said she would call and tell me if I wanted to know. OF COURSE I DID! I was super excited, because then I could really surprise Jason if it was positive. After the lab I ran around shopping waiting for the call. Then the nurse called and said, "I am sorry Krystal. The numbers aren't good at all. I don't think you are pregnant. Again, I am so sorry." I was stunned. Home alone now, I fell to the floor and let my emotions go. I could not believe that it didn't work. I wondered if it would ever work. I cried out to God asking him..."why God? What is your plan in this. This is more than I can handle Lord." I spent the rest of the day on the couch trying to imagine how I can pick myself up and do this all over again. Ug! I didn't want to do this again. I questioned if we were just meant to adopt or if we would remain a childless couple. I asked God to show me something. Give me direction. Tell me what I was to do before he would answer our prayers for a child. Nothing...

By Thursday I was feeling better or perhaps I was just trying to avoid feeling. I looked at the pictures of our embryo babies on the frig and I was tempted to throw the pictures away. I decided not to. I chose to hang on to the small hope that they may still have a chance. I absorbed myself in work and booked several business trips for the month. I had moderate menstrual cramps that night, and I thought to myself, "well I might as well get my period over with". But I didn't get my period. I didn't really want to set my alarm to get up early again to drive to the doctor for the final pregnancy test, but I did it anyways.

Friday Feb 27th

Friday Feb 27th

Last Friday we received a letter from the embryologist regarding the status of our 9 remaining embryos. It is one of those generic letters where they just fill in the blank. Unfortunately the letter said ___0___ embryos qualified to be frozen. We were stunned! We couldn't believe that none of the 9 embryos made it. The letter wasn't the best way to find out, because you couldn't ask any questions. So then Jason and I were speculating... Did they make a mistake? Do we have some strange genetic problem? If these 9 embryos didn't make it; why would the 2 they put in me make it? The worst part was knowing that if this cycle didn't work I would have to start all over again with the injections to make more eggs. I didn't even know how that would work into my busy work schedule again, and we really didn't want to fork out another $3000 for more medications and monitoring. It was a disapointing day, and for the first time we were starting to think that things may not turn out so good. We still don't know why the embryos didn't make it, and eventually we will have that discussion with the embryologists.